What are the two most important things in the universe?
Bacon sandwiches and Salvation, suggests Adrian Plass.

In this book, you'll find out why!!

Humourous definitions, outrageously rewritten hymns and choruses, and the occasional thoughtful or poignant piece, provide a collection that will make you laugh, cry - and reflect. Vintage Plass...

'Doubt: more or less frequent visitor who should be allowed in when he knocks at the door and sat firmly down in a corner. As long as he is neither fed nor entertained he will usually get bored after a while and go away.'

'Oblivion: nothing to worry about.'

'Go in peace: (1) injunction to the congregation at the end of communion (2) something that is only possible for those blessed with an en-suite bathroom and toilet.'

'Mary on a donkey: virgin on the ridiculous'

'Pillar of the church: big thick thing that holds everything up and restricts vision.'