Death by Civilisation

Introduction: Moderation Nation: Why Hitler Couldn’t be British and The Solidarity of Stupidity

PART ONE |THE MEDIA, THE ARTS AND ALL THINGS CULTURAL

Chapter 1: An Exercise in Finger-pointing, or: Why the Leveson Inquiry was like a Tarantino movie (minus the swearing)
Chapter 2: The Fine Line between Comedy and Tragedy, or: Why sitcoms are incredibly moralistic (and that’s okay)
Chapter 3: Betrayed by Delia, or: Why TV chefs don’t actually teach you how to cook
Chapter 4: Summer Reading, or: Books to pack before you knock off on holiday
Chapter 5: A Day at the Races, or: How Michael Barrymore turned me against dancing
Chapter 6: The Problem of Piracy, or: Why the best things in life are reasonably priced
Chapter 7: Twittiquette, or: How to win followers and influence people
Chapter 8: What to Do With Your Summer, or: Some jokes at the expense of festivals
Chapter 9: The Widespread Affliction of Biopia, or: A thinly-veiled moan about the lack of original sitcom on TV
Chapter 10: Instant Permanence, or: The pitfalls of hitting ‘Send’
Chapter 11: Stereotypical Comedy, or: Why it’s perfectly okay to make jokes about the French
Chapter 12: Coming to a Small Screen Near You, or: More jokes, this time at the expense of British television

PART TWO | THE ECONOMY, THE BANKS AND ALL THINGS FINANCIAL

Chapter 13: Haves and Have-Nots, Part 1: The Robin Hood Tax, or: How I’ve ended up on the side of the Sheriff of Nottingham
Chapter 14: Homes and Castles, Part 1: Mortgages, or: How and why I went right off my bank
Chapter 15: The Theory of Money, Part 1: Making Money, or: What’s my motivation?
Chapter 16: Rest and Retirement, Part 1: Retirement, or: The marching grey doom
Chapter 17: The Theory of Money, Part 2: Capitalism, or: How to organise a really good famine
Chapter 18: Homes and Castles, Part 2: New Homes, or: A new kind of Nimbyism
Chapter 19: Rest and Retirement, Part 2: Jubilee, or: A biblical justification for taking a whole year off
Chapter 20: Haves and Have-Nots, Part 2: Extremes of Wealth, or: How I learnt about money at the Races
Chapter 21: The Theory of Money, Part 3: Labour, or: What you can and cannot put a price on

PART THREE | THE STATE, POLITICS AND ALL THINGS GOVERNMENTAL

Chapter 22: The Pomposity of Politicians, Part 1, or: Why I love Tony Benn, even though he’s wrong about everything
Chapter 23: The Problem of Patriotism, or: Why flying a St George’s flag shouldn’t make you feel like a racist (even though it does)
Chapter 24: Politics and Privacy, Part 1, or: How a government can send you so many forms to fill in (and yet still claim to not know where you live)
Chapter 25: The Pointlessness of the Party Conference, Part 1, or: Why we should all listen to Radio 3 in September
Chapter 26: Politics and Privacy, Part 2, or: Why supermarkets know much more about me than the State (and why this isn’t altogether a bad thing)
Chapter 27: The Pomposity of Politicians, Part 2, or: Why it’s a shame that there’s no longer any shame
Chapter 28: The Prejudice of the Political Parties, or: How to write off your opponents in one easy step
Chapter 29: The Pomposity of Politicians, Part 3, or: Why it’s important that the Prime Minister runs the country from a pokey, impractical, terraced house
Chapter 30: The Pointlessness of the Party Conference, Part 2, or: How Jesus hates cry-babies
Chapter 31: Public and Private Healthcare Policy, or: Why this chapter will ensure I can never become Prime Minister

PART FOUR | ACADEMIA, SCIENCE AND ALL THINGS INTELLECTUAL

Chapter 32: String Theory and the God Particle, or: Why prime numbers are funny
Chapter 33: Greenhouse Gases, or: Is it me or is it warm in here? (Seriously, which is it?)
Chapter 34: Halal Dolly, or: Why New Zealand Lamb is extra special
Chapter 35: Move Over, Darling, or: Would the last member of the human race please turn out the lights?
Chapter 36: The Appeal of World War Two, or: Why Hitler makes such great television

PART FIVE | CHURCH, RELIGION, AND ALL THINGS SPIRITUAL

Chapter 37: Christian Festivals, Part 1: Christmas, or: The best fit for the facts
Chapter 38: Religion and Offence, Part 1: Jesus, the Early Years, or: How to publicise a one-man Fringe show for free
Chapter 39: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, or: The myth of common decency
Chapter 40: Metropolis, or: How living in cities makes you a nicer person
Chapter 41: How to Watch Television, or: One of the main causes of Christians being holier-than-thou
Chapter 42: Christian Festivals, Part 2: Lent, or: Why giving things up is chronically over-rated
Chapter 43: Doomsday: Part 1, or: The upsides of Armageddon
Chapter 44: Crosses to Bear, or: The intolerance of the inclusivity
Chapter 45: Bashing the Pope, or: The revelation of one of my guilty secrets
Chapter 46: Neo-Calvinists, or: Why John Calvin wasn’t very good at being French
Chapter 47: Christian Festivals, Part 3: Easter, or: What’s so Good about Friday?
Chapter 48: Religion and Offence, Part 2: Swearing, or: Mind your %$@*ing language
Chapter 49: Questions! Questions!, or: How to have a constructive discussion about religion
Chapter 50: It’s Your Funeral, or: Ill-advised song choices as you leave this mortal coil
Chapter 52: The Princess Phenomenon, or: Why we all need a knight in shining armour

Some kind of Conclusion to All of the Above – Death by Civilisation, or: How to accidentally ruin a perfectly decent society (and how it might still be saved)