Dancing When the Lights Go Out

1 month ago

Grief and Loss

When I heard this was a book about grief and loss I was interested in reading it, because right now I am in a season of grief and loss. I am grieving for my Dad who is now in a nursing home and who is no longer the man he once was, and I am grieving the loss of my Mum to Alzheimer’s. Both are still present in my life but not as they once were. Personally, I find it helps me when I read about people who have gone or are going through a similar experience, and also what helped them during the grieving process. In his Introduction, Roger Greene writes: “God designed us human beings to live a mysterious dance of body, spirit and soul. This story is about the whole of our beings, our minds, emotions, thoughts and the choices we make, as well as the mysterious and intangible stuff we call faith.” In his book, Roger writes about losing his wife through dementia and COVID-19. He shares about his and his family’s experiences. Roger’s wife became ill with a type of dementia which was not treatable. She was just sixty-one at the time. I found it helpful to read about the emotions he experienced on the way, such as guilt at putting her into a nursing home without her knowledge and consent. Having recently had to do the same for my dad it was helpful to know that there are others who experience the same kinds of emotions I am going through. In one chapter, Roger shares with us five myths of grieving, for example, ‘Caring for ourselves is selfish’. For the one experiencing loss and grief these myths are worth being aware of. They are also good for us to know so we can support friends and family who may be grieving too. As well as sharing about his own journey through loss, Roger provides guidance on the legal and financial aspects of caring with someone who is no longer able to care for themselves and do not have the mental capacity to understand what is best for them. For those who feel at a loss to know what to do when it comes to these matters then this chapter is an important one for you. In Chapter 12 Roger writes about, ‘Beyond the Loss’ Roger talks about the things which help you to keep going such as being kind to yourself and anticipating the anniversaries. The following chapter on ‘Coping with Loss – Looking After Me’ follows on nicely. Towards the end of his book, Roger gives some advice on how we can help others who are experiencing loss and are grieving. Generally we want to help people and support them, but we don’t always know what is the best thing to do or say, so this chapter helps with this. As I read his book, I really appreciated Roger’s honesty and vulnerability in sharing from his own experiences. He also includes what he has learned from others, such as from psychologists and he does refer to Bible truth and the work of the Holy Spirit. But for me, I have to say that it was hearing his story which made the book most interesting and helpful. Everyone’s grief is different and we will experience it in different ways, however, grief is universal and it can be something which connects us and makes us feel less alone. I have concentrated on large part in this review on what I found good and helpful. However, there were several times when I found it repetitive which I personally find frustrating when reading any book. Also, one of the reasons for me to read a book is the cover of the book. I have to say, I was not taken by the cover – it was very dark and I had difficulty understanding what I was seeing because it was so dark. The cover did not draw me to the book, but the blurb did.

Vicki Cottingham

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