Hello,

Over the last year, I have realized two things: that I have no talent for writing and a terrible taste in life choices. So, I decided to write a book about my life. You're welcome.

The truth is, I didn't know myself as well as I thought I did; in fact, I didn't know anything as well as I thought I did. Being young is a strange thing, because everyone wants answers and you only have more questions, and at the end of the day, you realize that it doesn't really matter because nothing you do will make the slightest difference in the great scheme of things (or so I was told.)

In this book, you will find a story of a not-so-handsome and not-so-talented young man and all his questionable life choices. His highest highs and his lowest lows, his righteous rights and most wrongful wrongs. Judge him with kindness and have in mind that he has no idea what he is doing, like most of the nuclear apes in this big blue marble (formerly known as humans), and rest assured that if he knew how to do any better, he probably would have.

There are a lot of things this poor young man would like to say to you, but above all, he would like to thank you for being here, for taking the time, and going on this journey with him. It means the world to him.