Everyone has bad habits, but what Harry wants is for us to build good habits into our relationships and weed out the bad ones. He calls the bad habits – STOP signs, and the good habits – Love Language’s.
STOP SIGNS:
S – SCORING POINTS
Your partner raises a concern or criticism. You feel under attack and return fire. Harry advises: the gentlest, most sensible route is to apologise.
T – THINKING THE WORST
The assumption that behind a partner's harmless deed or omission lies a dark intent to get at you, gain some advantage or to do you down. Harry advises: face your fears and check the reality. Ask your partner if everything is OK or if something is troubling them.
O – OPTING OUT
The habit of avoiding conflict and disengaging from conversations. Harry advises: keep talking, hang in there and if it really is the wrong time to talk, ask for time out.
P – PUTTING DOWN
Expressing words or actions that are taken to be dismissive, critical, contemptuous or belittling. Harry advises: be aware of your own attitude and how that may be interpreted.
As well as stamping out the bad habits, Harry also wants to encourage love to grow in your relationship. Psychologist Gary Chapman has concocted five ways we show and give love to our partners, and he calls them Love Languages’. By recognizing each other’s language of love we can adopt it and speak it to them daily.
THE FIVE LOVE LANGAUGE’S:
TIME:
If you love someone, then you enjoy spending time with them above all else. This does not have to mean special activities or intimacy – just the act of being together is enough.
WORDS:
We need to be continually conversing with our partners. Communication is important and makes each of you feel connected and valued.
ACTIONS:
Doing something for your partner, such as a household chore or cooking a meal, shows love and caring.
GIFTS:
Use material gestures, not just an expensive gift but a note or something to confirm you are thinking about your partner.
TOUCH:
More than anything, physical contact conveys love and affection, be it a hug or a hand being held.
This book is a guide to steering away from family breakdown, just as Harry successfully managed earlier in his life. Contrary to popular belief, healing a broken or breaking marriage isn’t difficult – Harry says it’s not rocket science, it’s only takes a change in attitude. Adopting the STOP signs and Love Language’s are wants helping our nation to stick together.