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Great resource for strengthening the relationship of new parents fully revised and updated by Care for the Family.
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‘Let’s Stick Together’ is the helpful, easy-to-read and practical guide to strengthening your marriage when the pitter patter of tiny feet shake the foundations of your marriage. Learn the three simple habits that will keep the love alive and protect your relationship against the pressures that parenting brings.
The problem is universal! All marriages feel the strain when you move from being a couple to being a family. Sleepless nights, exhaustion, new responsibility; they all lead to arguments over the insignificant matters, spending less time with each other and the love you once felt slowly fading away. But the solutions aren’t difficult, complicated, or unrealistic.
Harry Benson has taught thousands of couples through his course called ‘Let’s Stick Together’. He’s taught antenatal and postnatal groups, marriage preparation course, parenting classes, he has even been to prisons to share his expertise. Harry insists that no matter how different we are, as individuals or couples, the principles for a successful marriage are common. And he’s condensed his relationship knowledge into three simple and highly practical principles:
• ‘STOP Signs: the 4 bad habits we all have in relationships, how to regonise them and how to take responsibility of them.
• ‘Love Languages’: the 5 ways we receive and give love (based on Gary Chapman’s teaching).
• ‘Keeping Dad Involved’: practical ways for Dad to be a friend to Mum, and a co-parent to your children.
A wealth of research shows that relationship course, marriage counseling and books like this make a huge difference, increasing your odds of sticking together and creating a loving and stable environment for your children. This book is essentially all that research condensed and presented as a short, easy-to-read book designed to instill those positive changes in your marriage that will help you to stick together.
Harry Benson is the author of Mentoring Marriages, and the Communications Director of the Marriage Foundation. He and his parent volunteers have run over 500 sessions of Let’s Stick Together courses for 5,000 new parents through Bristol health centres and clinics. Let’s Stick Together is now being rolled out across the UK by the charity Care for the Family. He is also the author of Scram!
Let's Stick Together by Harry Benson was published by Lion Hudson in February 2013 and is our 11850th best seller. The ISBN for Let's Stick Together is 9780745956084.
“Let’s Stick Together has been fully revised and updated for new parents everywhere. More of a simple to follow quick-guide than a chunky manual, this relationship book will teach you the three universal ‘good’ habits to strengthen your relationship.”
“I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is the statistics show that family breakdown is high and only increases the older your children get. But the good news is you’re not alone, most family breakdowns are avoidable and you’re not a statistic. Harry Benson, the relationship expert, has poured all he knows into this little book condensing his researched solutions into three, practical habits.”
“There’s no shame in admitting you need help and its books like ‘Let’s Stick Together’ that can make a huge difference.”
“Reading 'Let's Stick Together' gave me enormous relief just to realise I'm not the only person to have struggled in a relationship with the arrival of children. I liked the way you could dip in and out of the book easily and found the section on 'love languages' particularly helpful.” – Sally, Eden.co.uk review.
Everyone has bad habits, but what Harry wants is for us to build good habits into our relationships and weed out the bad ones. He calls the bad habits – STOP signs, and the good habits – Love Language’s.
S – SCORING POINTS
Your partner raises a concern or criticism. You feel under attack and return fire. Harry advises: the gentlest, most sensible route is to apologise.
T – THINKING THE WORST
The assumption that behind a partner's harmless deed or omission lies a dark intent to get at you, gain some advantage or to do you down. Harry advises: face your fears and check the reality. Ask your partner if everything is OK or if something is troubling them.
O – OPTING OUT
The habit of avoiding conflict and disengaging from conversations. Harry advises: keep talking, hang in there and if it really is the wrong time to talk, ask for time out.
P – PUTTING DOWN
Expressing words or actions that are taken to be dismissive, critical, contemptuous or belittling. Harry advises: be aware of your own attitude and how that may be interpreted.
As well as stamping out the bad habits, Harry also wants to encourage love to grow in your relationship. Psychologist Gary Chapman has concocted five ways we show and give love to our partners, and he calls them Love Languages’. By recognizing each other’s language of love we can adopt it and speak it to them daily.
THE FIVE LOVE LANGAUGE’S:
If you love someone, then you enjoy spending time with them above all else. This does not have to mean special activities or intimacy – just the act of being together is enough.
We need to be continually conversing with our partners. Communication is important and makes each of you feel connected and valued.
Doing something for your partner, such as a household chore or cooking a meal, shows love and caring.
Use material gestures, not just an expensive gift but a note or something to confirm you are thinking about your partner.
More than anything, physical contact conveys love and affection, be it a hug or a hand being held.
This book is a guide to steering away from family breakdown, just as Harry successfully managed earlier in his life. Contrary to popular belief, healing a broken or breaking marriage isn’t difficult – Harry says it’s not rocket science, it’s only takes a change in attitude. Adopting the STOP signs and Love Language’s are wants helping our nation to stick together.
In the UK, 1 in 5 marriages breakdown BEFORE their children reach their first year of school. And the author of this relationship book almost became that statistic. In 1994 his wife gave him the shook of his comfortable, so-called-happy life.
“… after eight years of marriage, Kate told me how unhappy she was and stated that unless things changed we were heading for divorce, it was a bolt from the blue. When she explained that despite the good aspects of our marriage she felt we were no longer friends, I had no idea what she meant.”
Harry Benson was a Navy Pilot before he married Kate in 1986, and after fighting in the Falklands War, they set of for adventure in Asia where Harry landed a bank manager job. They were living in unimaginable luxury, a penthouse with a maid and had two beautiful children. But their marriage began to show cracks.
“The catalyst for the crisis point in our marriage was the birth of our first children … we dropped into the classic mother and father roles. Kate was the primary career and I became preoccupied with being the breadwinner. I lost the ability to empathise with her. I did my thing and she did hers … we would end up having what to my mind were inexplicable arguments. I could not understand what caused them. It left Kate frustrated and left me confused. We were drifting apart.”
Sound familiar? That’s because this is the norm! And it’s important to realise you’re not the only one with relationship issues. Harry made a conscious decision to change, to shift his attitude and work on his marriage. They decided to have relationship counseling, where they learnt practical, simple habits which revolutionized their relationship. It effectively brought them back from the brink of divorce.
Now Harry runs the most successful relationship project in the country. Bristol Community Family Trust is a charity that reaches 30% of new parents in the Bristol area, having helped over 1,000 people so far. Their flagship course, ‘Let’s Stick Together’, will be rolled out nationally as part of standard post-natal care.
This book is testament to Harry’s hard work, his calling and his marriage. The very best research (including what Harry had observed and learnt on his Psychology degree) have been applied to this book/course and molded into workable tools to help your marriage work. He saved himsef from becoming the statistic, and so can you with the help of brilliant books like this.
|Author / Artist||Harry Benson|
|Publisher||Lion Hudson (February 2013)|
|Edition||1st New edition|
|Number of Pages||128|
|Page last updated||9th March 2017|